Marines Don't Cry
by FanficAddictGal
Summary: Colonel Sarah Mackenzie always puts on a brave face. What happens when the past has her fighting a good cry?


**All rights belong to their respective owners. I just borrowed! :)**

 **Marines Don't Cry**

 **A Harm & Mac Fanfic**

The photograph was yellowed with age. One of the corners was torn, ripped along the edge. Regardless of its condition though, the two figures smiling at the lens were still perfectly clear. A little girl in a bright green sundress wrapped tightly in her mother's arms, both of them beaming at the camera.

Sarah couldn't take her eyes off of it. She had been staring at it for minutes…hours. She wasn't exactly sure…

Her finger absently brushed the windswept hair of the woman in the photograph, but it didn't ease the growing ache in her heart.

Her body shook as she tried to suppress the sob ripping at her throat. The memories the single photograph evoked digging up all the hurt and resentment she had hid away for years. She felt like her ribs were cracking apart, inch by agonizing inch, leaving a yawning, empty gap. A sharp pain punctured every breath. Still, the voice in her head:

 _Marines don't cry._

The little girl in the picture was her and the woman with whom she was snuggling, her mother. The mom who had left her over two decades ago to the mercy of her alcoholic father.

Sarah Mackenzie's eyes burned but she stubbornly kept the tears at bay.

 _Marines don't cry._

That simple stern self reprimand always helped see her emotions in perspective. Mask them. Hide away the fear and hurt from her friends, her co-workers, the Admiral…Harm. Whenever her heart had been broken or her trust had been shattered the voice would ring in her head. But she wasn't sure if it would be enough this time…

A knock.

She bit her lip and began to rock slowly back and forth on the sofa. The motion was intended to soothe, a self preservation mechanism of sorts, but all it did was reinforce the great emptiness in her chest. She wanted to cry… she needed to cry. She didn't want to be strong anymore.

 _No. Marines don't cry._

"Mac? Mac, are you there?"

Harm. She gasped audibly at the worry evident in his voice.

He was here. He was worried about her.

She squeezed her teary eyelids shut. She did not have to imagine the look on his face, she had seen it so many times. His brow wrinkled in concern, his sea blue eyes quiet, comforting and waiting. She didn't want him to see her like this: weak, vulnerable…needy. She needed him to see her as a major. She needed him to see her as strong, self-sufficient. Independent.

But a part of her wanted to let him in; let him witness for himself the shattering of a marine. To finally allow someone close enough to watch.

Her need for human contact fought with her pride, and won. She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat to call him in but all that came out was a strangled cry.

It was all the invitation he needed. The door was thrown open, its hinges protesting at the movement. It hit the wall with a loud thud. Harm hesitated for only a second before he rushed to her side, clasping her hands tightly in his.

"Mac… what's wrong?"

The concern in his gaze was tearing her apart, killing her. He was making it harder to fight.

He was still in his uniform. He hadn't changed. He had come straight from the party to see her, to make sure she was alright. He wanted to help.

He always was there when she needed him.

Her lips quivered and the unwelcome moisture returned. If she let go…

 _No. Marines don't cry._

"I'm here Sarah. Let me help you honey. Please."

Sarah. Her father had called her that before a beating. Mic had called her that before he broke off their engagement. But Harm… He was the only man in her life who could take her first name and make it sound sweet. Only he could make it beautiful.

Honey. The endearment was new to his lips as well as her ears but it was oddly comforting. It seemed familiar.

She shook her head slowly, her eyes closing in an effort to will away the wetness gathering there. A shuddering breath. She had to be strong.

 _Marines don't cry._

She looked away, her hazel orbs turned back to the forgotten photograph. Still holding her hand securely in his larger one, Harm allowed himself to follow her gaze. His expression visibly softened when he recognized the figures in the picture. Looking up at him, she saw his shoulders visible slump in relief. He had apparently thought the worst. Gently prying the photograph from her grasp, he studied the image closer, and then placed it on the coffee table in front of them. She felt his fingers squeeze lightly. "Sarah."

He wasn't going to judge her. He wasn't going to walk away. He wasn't going to leave. He knew…He understood. When she looked into his blue eyes, she knew he understood.

The shaking she had previously experienced was nothing compared to what it was now. Her whole body seized as the bitterness and hurt resurfaced, her muscles groaning in agony at the sporadic jerks. The salty drops she had been fighting back all day ran unchecked down her cheeks. They scorched her skin.

She had been strong for so long… denying herself the comfort of crying, forcing her mind to suppress all the pain of her mother's abandonment.

"Ha…Harm?"

She began to heave, her lungs trying desperately to draw in the air her lungs craved.

The pressure, the twisting pain in her upper chest grew, tightening until she thought it would snap. She was cold all over. Her hand searched wildly, relaxing slightly when it found the fabric of his top. She pulled at the cloth frantically, like it was the only thing saving her from drowning in tears. His palm enveloped hers, returning the pressure. Another drop fell.

His lips were at her temple, kissing her hair, kissing away the moisture clinging to her lashes. His arm wound around her waist, urging her into his embrace. She sank into it appreciatively. "It's okay Sarah. I'm here. Just let it out honey...I'm here."

The last shred of control she had fled, her dry throat cracking as the sobs she had stifled tore through.

And for the first time in her life, Major Sarah Mackenzie let herself cry.

.


End file.
